Who knows when a lifelong addiction to little manly man toys will rear it's articulated head?
On the hunt for asparagus, reaching over some old woman's head for the last two packets of tapioca flour, in the "do I, or do I not, want potato chips?" aisle.
As every child knows - gotta' get yer daily dose o' greens... especial if they're on clearance.
They made a Green Lantern movie. Oh, you knew that already? Fine, so anybody care to tell me why writers felt the need to make Hal Jordan another irresponsible comic-to-film cocky hot-head? Should we just blame Ryan Reynold's Deadpool alone? Or does Downey Jr.'s Iron Man and Rogen's Green Hornet have somethin' doin' there?
C'mawn, Mr. Jordan was a total stick in the mud.
Welp. I sure wasn't going outta' my way for any Oa lantern by-products. So I shan't mention the bit where I stood in the aisle and literally flipped a coin to decide what alien I didn't need, but was taking home with the groceries anyway.
Heads and heads again - Kilowog... sweet. Pretty happy to see there was even a Stel in there at all.
My first true encounter with the Green Lantern of Earth, Mr. H. Jordan, was within the pages of a terribly penned JLA Choose-Your-Own-Adventure book. As a kid I just couldn't get my head round the idea 'You can do anything cos' o' yer magic ring... absolutely anything! Um, except yellow'.
"That's a bit dicky!", I remember thinking, associating it with schoolyard games of tag involving colour. Or maybe Twister.
Obviously at that point I wasn't benefited with an awareness of the fear emotion as it relates to a colour in the DC universe... bla bla.
Aw, look like! Comes with a plastic pile of power-shot, which can be held any number of four ways (makes for a pretty cool club). This piece of jagged translucent junk arrives in lieu of knees, mind you.
There's somethin'. Scour the net for comments on GL movie figures - you'll be escaping the screen with a deluge of backwash comments regarding the whole poseability thing. You cannot win DC.
Look, folks, these figs have decidedly cool sculpts when compared with basically any 4" figure from a movie in the last decade.
Ah, and that bitching about poseability? DC, you cannot win. I hear endlessly how Marvel, amongst others, have figures with too much articulation, about how they're dropping like rag doll flies after a play or two. Senór Kilowog Girder Limbs here? He'll do fine.
Oh, and for anybody unfamiliar with Kilowog... before you start dissing him on his porcine jawline just let me fill you in, he has genius level intellect. Sort of like a three-toed MacGyver. Of course, like every genius, that's gonna' come with sacrifices. Say, the knee-bending requirements to perform a squat thrust. Drill Sarge indeed...
Admittedly the GL film did a coupla' things for me.
1) got me all thinking on what Lantern knowledge I might possess from everything I've ever read.
2) had me marvelling at Sarsgaad's beautiful and prominent prosthetic head.
I distinctly recall owning an issue of Green Lantern: Mosaic, # 9, if I ain't wrong. Featurin' Tendon Ripper and John Stewart. Had some love for The Justice Society too, which gave me Earth's Alan Scott. My favourite human Lantern.
Really, I just want to say, "Why'd jou wait so long DC?"
Yep, fair t' say my scanner's in another country so that's one crap photo from the shelf, but look! Is that basically a fracking snake with an Oa power ring?? There's an absurd wealth of extra-terrestrials signed up to The Corps. Leaves me wondering why they didn't exploit this fact earlier. Kenner Super Power's Jordan was yer only real option as an 80's tyke. I wanna' fracking snake with a ring on, how hard is that to make?
Come on, Kenner. Just let a glob of melted goo spill outside of the mold, put a green splat onnit and name it Xk'lth from the planet F'rrdh. I very well might've asked my mother to buy it.
One last thing to think for.
Are there any villians to this GL movie toyline at all? Technically, Sinestro hasn't rebelled at this point, and I see no one tripping over Hector Hammond toys in the coffee aisle. Feel like a hunt and you miiight find a Fallen Guardian, but I reckon that's it.
Villains? Eh?
Feh, procure yerself a handful of moderately obscure action-figures and you've got your pissant space pirate gang right there!!
Overall I'm happy about the idea of Lantern figures making a decent scramble towards kid's toy-boxes across the globe. Alien GLs at that, not just four-limbed two-eyed humans anymore. It bodes well for imagination and while something might look like a sushi-roll or a clothes peg, spruce it up in some green tights, tack a ring on it. Hey presto - hero!
Oh, basic assortment GL figures also come with a ring, and who cares if it don't light up? Imagination is key where a Lantern comes into it, no? Need I mention the ring didn't fit me? My girlfriend wears it just fine though, and as she recites the oath straight off the packet, I'm checking my head size and giggling all creepy-like.
The ring chose her, that's fine, fine. Not jealous... (telekinetic head dance)
IT'S FINE!
"Televisions don't work when nobody is watching them.'' - Rihia2k.
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