I have chickenpox. Well, that was easy enough to admit.
I feel like a piece of dodgy kebab meat, dragged down a gravel road for 3 and a half days.
Then sprinkled with lemon juice & itching powder. I didn't like admitting that.
Should I bother clarifying I have adult chickenpox?
You know, cos I'm an adult.
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I knew adults got chickenpox... occasionally... rarely, or something. I suppose.
Somehow nobody bothered to inform me that this SUCKSLIKETHEGUTSOFALAMPREYONAFLUSHINGJETTOILET!!! AH!
ahem, it sucks.
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I knew about skin. Itchiness. Dotty blister things.
I didn't know about your intestines turning into balloon animals, headaches and heat worse than the devil's hoof behind your eyeballs, and fatigue levels that allow you to get up once every good coupla' hours to proudly say, "I'm gonna' lie down now".
Sigh, lying down meaning every second inch of your skin will be playing Tickle-Me-Elmo all through your insomniac evenings.
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Adult chickenpox also means playing lots of Darkstalkers. Duh.
You won't be going to work until all your bits have dried up and fallen off. You shouldn't be going anywhere really. And if I see you rubbing your blistered elbows in the mushrooms at the grocers like a textbook sociopath, I'm telling.
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Usually I'd enjoy a lil time off work to get 'the other stuff' done. But I'm going stir on the crazy, cos while I'm on the mend, I'm still a big yucky sack of ouch, which is only cool if you're Man-Thing, and limits my productivity.
Screw it. Poxstalk... er, Darkstalkers.
See? Darkstalkers is basically all about chickenpox. I've got a chest just like Lord Raptor's now.
Plus with the addition of blisters in my mouth (oh yes they get everywhere) my tongue will look like that by next Thursday.
Bishamon is in on it too. Cos even on a winning day all his bits fall off his head and limbs. Plus he has enough lumps n' bumps on his chest to resemble a mouth, nose and eyes. Like my chest. (except mine probably better resembles the face of that snowman tbh).
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| ... "I have all-over skin-herpes. Come to me" ... |
Nope, Morrigan doesn't get out of it. She might have perfect skin but that's when people carrying the varicella zoster virus are most contagious, plus that berserk pose is clear evidence of mastering the 'scratching without scratching' wriggle technique.
"My victories, like my beauty are eternal!" Yeah, me too Morrigan. Until 3 days ago, now I'm gonna' look like a thirty-five year old dart board! Forever!
Yep, Morrigan was carryin' chickenpox. Lying down a lot? Sensation of bats playing cootchy-coo with your nerve endings? Time to bust out the calamine.
(whole pond full of calamine lotion judging by that background)
Bit's flakin' off of him, floating into the cosmos? A barely perceivable, misshapen mass of plasma? Seething pissed off eyes? Yeah, I'd say Pyron is all about the pox (even starts with P).
Vanity Paradise? Pyron, you lucky bastard.
No Vanity Paradise in my bus timetable. My bus signs only read Spottygrotsville. And they all arrive at Dimply-assface-O'clock.
... and your eye exploded.
You complete me.
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But, oi! Is it only silly video-gaming that my eviscerated brain is somehow relating to my present persistent malady?
Oh, no.
Not while Dragonriders of the Styx, Dragonman is governing my coffee table.
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| ... "just tell me, guys? One or two spots? ... |
(or was that Dragonriders of the Pox?)
Seriously, I gotta' kinda' wonder about viruses sometimes. That is, why they haveta' be total dicks? Make me feel like a crummy scab-man, gimme headaches and nausea for Africa, how's that gonna' benefit you, stupid varicella zoster? Now, I don't want you. If you were a halfway smart virus, you'd boost my opera singing abilities, strike me down with an insatiable desire to learn ballroom dancing, or make me secrete pheromones (pus is not a pheromone).
Then everyone would want you, varicella zoster. I'd be able to sell you on ebay.
As it is, you ail, scar and very occasionally kill people. Which means your résumé sucks bolos.
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Join me next time, when I question why blowflies don't glow white and sound like Vivaldi.
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"Human thought is so primitive it's looked upon as an infectious disease in some of the better galaxies. That kind of makes you proud, doesn't it?" - K. Men in Black.
