Doctor Doomlittle...

Gawdy. That time again? The Thilly Theathon?

I was pretty sure we had a Christmas last year didn't we?

So what does it all mean, Basil?

Means Love.

Means Peace.

Means Goodwill.

Means I finally got around to watching that 'HE-MAN SHE-RA Christmas Special'.
(18 mths without my He-man DVDs, how did I even make it this long?)

Means fostering unimpressed feral kittens... well for this, and the last 2, Xmas's it has...

... and it means work. 4 out of the last 5 years I've worked Christmas, usually harder than normal too. This season my downtime stocking filler involves  water blasting smoke and fire damaged steel atop a scissor lift. 12 hour nightshifts and I luvvit (call me masochistic, please).

Which brings me to someone who knows something about fire damage and steel.
Namely, Vicky VD.

Okay, probably better known to you as Doctor Doom but y'gotta' admit Vicky VD has a ring to it.

I'm not really out to cover say Dooms history as a character here, tbh this blog has about as much practical direction as a one-legged shark, I'm just whisking some crap off the top of the plastic trash box to keep my eyes and hands ocky-pied, and maybe distract me from the miscellaneous naughty-kitty sounds permeating the air of this otherwise most-silent-of-nights.

So, what've the great gods of randomness left us today?

Hmm. 'Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer', Slashing-action Doctor Doom, apparently.
Courtesy Hasbro 2007.

I'm no authority on Doctor Doom. At all. So it's funny this non-canon movie version should be the one to drift ashore.

Sporting purple design-work, smaller cloak clasps, and a waistcloth rather than tunic compared to the classic Doom design, this figure also comes across more detailed. More is frequently less in Doom's style however. When I think of Doc Doom kicking ass and taking names, I picture him doing so with his arms crossed, standing legs astride, a portrait of confidence and dominance. If he really has to exert himself, maybe one outstretched arm oozing with raw crackling power.

Dooms signature body language is simplicity, efficiency and power.

Man's got a face like a forsaken greenhouse salami, why try harder?
Dr. Doom is kind of no-frills; kind of anti-Zumba.

"Feeling Hot! Hot! Hot!"

 

In contrast, this FF: ROTSS movie toy looks like he's dying to get dynamic. Full of poseable goodness, it's tightly pegged, looking to stand the test of arm-twisting time, unlike so many newer Marvel Comics figures which frequently fall like cut puppets within a year.

I probably would have traded the double elbow joints for swivelling wrists, but since I wasn't  designing Hasbro's Doctor Doom toys in 2007, I only have myself to blame.

Heh, looking at it - Movie Doom's suit here has infomercial abs, basically has muscle-def all over it in fact (thankfully no nipples). Comic Doom's suit? Looks like it's 500 years old, can easily rival Tony Stark's costume, but Victor Von Doom's gear carries less aesthetic pizazz than a medieval leper's haircut.

Doctor Doom is usually one hefty chunk of imposing villain, never doubt. Maybe 2007 was the year he replaced a few meals with milkshakes. You could be forgiven, thinking a cold T-800 simply went and mugged King Aragorn, donning his ranger's cloak for the harsh Latverian winter...

"Dammit, Skynet! you know my doombots are patented."

Wait... back up. Slashing-action Doctor Doom? Yeah, that's what this joker's called.
Slashing-action, while not really the trademark Doom maneouvre, suggests a 'feature' worth a moment's gander, and hey what better way to slash than with a mystic-fire axe the size of Texas?

I've never actually seen Doom with an axe, but like I said, I'm no authority. Perhaps every single comic panel featuring Doom which I haven't read has him weilding a huge eldritch gypsy log-splitter. Or not. Maybe it's reserved purely for podium approaching purposes.

(Tell me you wouldn't pay more attention to politics if our nations leaders carried huge glowing melee weapons when handing out their speeches)

Unfortunately, 50 year old Lee-Kirby ignited legacy character or not, Slashing-action Dr. Doom's slashing-actions are weak and clumsy, I could've happily settled for a standard waist turn, but noooo, Latverian monarchs with rivet faces just gotta' have it all. End of the day: an unsatisfying attempt.
I'm blaming the fact that no-one yet seems to have beaten 1981's He-man for sheer power and ease of use in a spring-powered-waist-punch.
I'm also blaming the cloak.

Had a moderate rant in my last entry, generally rating cloth above plastic on the toy cloak and cape front. This is precisely why. Sure true y' can sculpt plastic cloaks to look cool, folds and curves and detail, etc. but when you mangle the toes of a practical feature in a basic hands-on toy (hardly a high-end collectible this) something's getting away on ya.

Very well, all is forgiven. After all this is no representation of the classic Tech-Warlock Science-Despot who can tear holes in the seat of the pants of the universe.

It's the representation of a bitter, mutated astronaut. Made for holding in your 8yr old left hand and smashing repeatedly into the Silver Surfer held in your right.

"Make haste, idiot machine! We've 500,000 cabbage rolls to deliver by dawn!"

 "...and there won't be snow in Latveria this Christmas, the greatest gift they'll get this year is Doom..."

Y'know speaking of Christmas, that which we call a saint by any other hue...?

"OH OH OH, Variant Christmas!"

"Time waits for no man, haste makes waste, he who hesitates is lost, patience is a virtue, the early bird catches the worm, good things come to those who wait...
I mean it when I'm saying, the more you're saying the less you're meaning." - Rihia2k

Confessor (x)...

...... it was probably the cloth... and the black.

Yeah, it was the actual cloth, the black/white contrast, and maybe something else.
The overall simplicity? The nineties innocence perhaps?

It certainly wasn't Busiek's Astro City, not because I've any problem with Astro, I really just don't know it that well.

(Kurt Busiek basically translates in my mind to: Dark Horse Conan)

So whatever propelled me, propelled I was to pick up a figure based on stories I know almost nothing about, for blatantly childish reasons: I decided it looked neat.

(being unopened with 14 years of dust and a low price tag probably helped)

ZJ TOYS? Never heard of them. Toy Vault I do know.

On the shelf I'm tossing up 'tween this guy and some virtual unknown (to me) that goes by the  moniker: Samaritan.
Samaritan carries some stylish Silver Age cheese, sporting in this instance a blue toga and stark red jumpsuit, pumping out a half-Flash-half-Marvelman vibe.

But... I take the less visually explosive route of the Confessor, just in case Astro City turns out to be an Ally MacBeal or My Little Pony spin-off, then my embarassing reminder won't be in primary colours.

Anyways - token cardback snap. Take it. Leave it.

So, who is this Confessor?
In a quick cardback regurgitation;

>Man of the Cloth, Jeremiah Parrish, hits Astro City in the late 19th century to help build the Grandenetti Cathedral.
>Unfortunately gets munched by an undead gypsy, and contracts vampirism.
>Parrish, ashamed, takes a powder in the unfinished cathedral for sixty odd years.
>Inspired by a prominent '50s super hero, he comes out of torpor, using his 'powers' for good.
>Parrish works alone up until the nineties - finally taking on Brian Kinney (aka Altar Boy).
>Kinney deduces Confessor's true undead nature, unintentionally driving him away.
>Parrish/Confessor dies. (Heroically, but I won't elaborate).
>Kinney/Altar Boy takes up the mantle, and its assumed the Confessor still lives.

We're up to date.

I skim wiki-clicked a few Astro City blobs too, and Parrish apparently held his thirst at bay by emblazoning a silver cross on his chest (a literally burning reminder of his faith).

Yep. Being a teetottler blood fiend must really suck.

Turns out Brian Kinney hasn't any powers either (he's Nightwing in Christian get-up).
Though everyone assumes it's the original Confessor running around on rooftops.

But by far the most important piece of info?
Forget all else you just read. Kinneys 5'8". I'm 5'8". How inspirational is that?

...sideways glance...

So the Confessor, note: 'future' Confessor as the insert reads, was posed as above in packet.
Thats not exactly important, but I noticing a little something something before I tore into the plastic bubble. You won't spot it in the photo above, not having three dimensions to go on.
If you magically did, you're good. Too good. And you scare me.

Notice it's a Previews Exclusive - for all the quality control that will soon prove.

So Confessor is simple over all, and simples great, but I am a face-sculpt appreciative too. Here we get both worlds. Variants were released. Original white haired, grim mugged Confessor and a mask wearing version are out n' around, so I'll take a well greased guess that the masked head is the fan favourite.

I'm actually pretty down with Mr. Brian-face. (No, not just cos he's 5'8" in 1:12 scale, yeesh)
Minimal austere cloak silhoutte compliments the clear, plain human face. Some nice juxta-jazz.
No over-sculpted uber-realistic dramas crying for attention.

Did I mention the cloth? Real cloth capes, cloaks and skirts have made a small come back in casual lines like Star Wars, Dark Knight Rises or Marvel Legends. They were standard fare in a number of 70s/80s toy lines (Star Wars again, Battlestar Galactica, multiple Megos, AD&D and Super Powers) but somehow the 1990s caused a good chunk of toy manufacturers to churn out ungainly, static plastic capes and cloaks - often hindering of play and poseability.

So like you do with an errant Scotsman, the first thing in kid's minds with cloth clad figures is to figure out whats under there. I've seen no shortage of 'naked' Star wars Imperial Guards as a permanent testament to this.

So having given Kinney Boy the Marilyn Munroe air vent treatment, whats the juice? Simplicity once more. In black. Good news for a figure customizer and I'm pleasantly surprised the Confessor isn't compiled of 22 abdominal muscle hernias and chisel ripped twin-split muscle-man tits. He's humbly athletic instead... with puffy sleeves.

I also note Confessor doesn't have foot pegs. Hmm? I thought foot pegs were the first law of pushing figures out a factory door so they could immediately start performing the limbo at homes around the world. Guess Confessy don't dance.

More variant knowledge to be had...

There are also versions out there which have Connie's hands sculpted in a vampiric stalk style.
A kind of 'tense talons aimed at the throats of crime' look.
Me? I got the fist. Confessorama doesn't sport accessories so there was nothing to grasp aside from his cape edges but I'm feeling open 'talons' would have come off better than fists.

Actually anything would have come off better than this...

Spot the difference? Ohnoyoudidnt. There is no difference. Two left fists, baby. Two left fists.
Serious Southpaw Syndrome.

I completely forgive the underpaid Chinese employee making a figure they don't give a rat's arse about having a concentration lapse and putting the wrong black ball of 15mm crap into an all black arm socket.

Can I forgive the 'Previews Exclusive' tag? Thrust in my face in pop-purple funko design screaming: Buy! More! You! Now! Get!
Like an anthropomorphic hamburger's siren song to an obese child.

Well, I caaaan forgive...

Ahh, I know this ain't any fault on Preview's part, but what has it ever really meant to see the Previews Exclusive sticker on any given figure? In some gullible portion of my mind it provides an expectation that the only mistake which could possibly befall one of their marked figures is accidentally finding gold bullion packaged in with your toy.

Sigh. I can imagine a lot of stuff. Leaping three times my height to catch a frisbee with my mouth. Playing table tennis in zero gravity. Chasing a Care Bear through the savannah wearing a tuxedo made of marshmallows. I actually have trouble imagining having two left hands. I was reading a book prior to posting this, and I'll be driving immediately afterwards. When thinking of flipping pages, steering a U-turn or fine dining with two left hands my brain does a barrel roll ending up like Max from the Aronofsky film Pi. Touching my own brain in the subway.

Yah well. From across the floor, few will notice Confessor's double digits abnormality, cloak may hide it, but me, I always know it's there.

Hey, at least he can hit Bela Lugosi poses better than any of my other figures and with a perpetual forward looming stance he's a shoo-in for casting as a priest in any Mario Bava flick.

"Äaa! I look a lot better in low light!"

Ha, getting a figure for purely aesthetic value only to be batted out by an unforgivable deformity, that'll teach me...

... nahh.

"...Just keep walking, Bri..."

AHA! Of course. What better time to suggest you a quick read? Absolutely unrelated to my prattling post. You know how you hear or read about a book you can't put down? Let's be realistic, that rarely happens, especially regarding the particular books which actualy promote this idea.

I will admit in my life theres definitely been some overcooked pasta and cold cups of tea attributed with not being able to unglue my nose from a paperback.

One book that unintentionally taught me to brew coffee with one hand not looking? Had me still reading as I walked across the room wearing my best "not now, James" face?

Jeff Ryan's Super Mario: How Nintendo Conquered America.

I was initially worried this would work as a 309 page Nintendo advertisement. No fear. It's well balanced, fact based and unbiased for the most. Ryan's thorough research pays off and the fascinating business history and creative processes behind Nintendo's story are dabbed and dotted with gamegeek references.

There are minor jerky moments to the chronological flow, but Ryan is excellent sifting through 30 odd years of spacey-games ashes here (as well as Nintendo's earlier endeavours) with businesses which switch pole positions and shift leaderboard spots in multiple areas of game development like writhing cut snakes.

It is, one way, a tale of giant corporations, trying to increase their shadow casting stride around the globe like creaking, hulking steel Gundams.

Another way, it's a story of a podgy tiny plumber in red overalls. Jumping for a princess.



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You the man, Shiggy!


"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree? Though there's a lot more sun and root space if it does." - Rihia2k.

Queer For Art Thou...

... ha, that's terrible, I've really gotta touch up on my pun-ology.

Old news, that's my news. So with the blindfold on I lucky-dip some news article, and it happens to be homosexuality in comic books.

But... but, that isn't new at all. Same sex gender preference has been in the funny books for ages. (Hello, Alan Moore, Howard Chaykin)

Ah, but it's the big two, Marvel and DC making a frackin' spectacle, now for some reason it matters?
Does it also garner more attention because it's gay males in the spotlight? Like lesbianism is a bit old hat?
Maybe it's that male mentality that if you lock two females in an elevator for over five minutes, they'll be involved in raving passionate love-making before you can get the power back online?

Like we can fill a movie screen with bums and breasts, but chuck a penis in the mix and censorship will push the classification rating right up.

Oh. Come. On, Earth 2012!

Ancient cultures could depict total nudity in sculpture and art and still get the cows in on time.
"Yes, that's a big wooden dick on the mantelpiece."
"Yes, it's a fertility symbol."
"Yes. Now please stop staring at it, man from the future. I have crops to plant."

Big deals.

You know I'm always blown away by how hung up on sex modern humans are.
I suppose this is a good time to add I have no qualms with people's sexual orientation. To quote a certain disfigured cowboy anti-hero, "It makes no difference to me how you sit in the saddle."

And although true, I will resist the urge to write, "some of my best friends are gay." Really strikes me as a cop out line. Especially since I heard a radio interview with a politician, where he used said line, only to follow it up by referring to homosexuals as "those people" for the rest of the show, and ranting on about core family values, oh so threatened by the queer community.

For certain there are dysfunctional homes with core family value problems - abuse, alcoholism, poverty.
How much of this can we really blame on The Village People, is my question?

Of course, there's such a thing as being too PC, where it steps into the territory of becoming heavy handed and patronizing.

There lies my nagging discomfort with this latest high profile comic trend to occur.

Look, it is nice. Totally respect the idea that a same-sex couple in prominent pop culture might be of great comfort to a young gay person who isn't getting adequate support at home or from their peers.

I guess I'd just rather take it all in stride. Easy for me to say, after a healthy handful of decades schmucking around on earth, I don't have a sexual identity crisis or suffer discrimination in that vein.

So my beef? Four words. DC. Reboot. Alan Scott. Reboot. Did I mention reboot?

Relying on reboots is like introducing yourself every time you start a conversation, or like brushing between bites.
People get sick of you awful quick and your apples go brown before you're halfway through.

Uh-hummm. I smell my beef. It's the reinvention that buckles my rails. DC should perhaps change their name to 'Re-reimagine Comics'.
The term "If it ain't broke don't fix it" doesn't seem to exist in DC's writer's minds.

Aww, me grumpy, but honestly I even hate the word 'reboot' as it applies in story writing. DC are more notorious for this than Marvel. (though Wolverine became a metrohead teenager with a bum-fluff goatee at one point)

To me this reboot suggests writer's cowardice. An existing character couldn't simply come out of the closet?
A new character couldn't be created to bravely hold this torch? Nope, there's money involved, better play it safe and use a fan favourite. Even if it is in name only.

Next.



Northstar gets his own cover? Thats news in itself.

Awright. I can appreciate this more. Why have I always been such a bigger sucker to Marvel's treats? I may never know.
Marvel have always done romance and wedding covers nicely - Peter Parker and Mary Jane-Watson, Scott Summers and Jean Grey - they're near photographically stuck in some corner of my mind.
Something that's been done right here? Northstar has been openly gay since 1992. Huzzah! Marvel need not unravel their entire world just to have a gay character stand in the spotlight.

So, there'd be no problem if the Big Two weren't, once again, head butting.
The old Man-Thing/Swamp-Thing headache.
Hammering for hype, clamouring for kudos.

Just glanced at that cover again and I really do dig it.
But, what's this? Am I irritated by something else I read in the article that lead me here?
Oh of course I am.

Not only is it a same-sex marriage, or a human-mutant marriage, it's...
"...comics’ first interracial, same-sex (and mutant-human) marriage."

Oh, for %*#!! sake. "Interracial"?! Thanks mainstream media. I actually. Hadn't. Noticed.
And I don't think anyone should. That's what I mean by too PC, folks.

It's the popular girl at school who exploits wheelchair-boy, and engages on her self-initiated "awareness campaign", shamelessly stacking up some more appeal for herself in the process.
All friggin' heart.

Interracial indeed. Captain Kirk can get jiggy across the heavens with blue and green girls, since 1966, and there's no PC word for that.
Unless you count inter-spacial, ahem.

Time Eric Powell's Hobnail Tennessee boots met the groin of the Big Two.

Suggestion. Read Issue #39 or die tryin', folks.

Aww, mangroves, I gotta' wrap this up. Apparently 4:24am constitutes daylight where I am. Groan...sound of life... occurring.

Basically, having a good storyline which features a compelling gay character is very cool.
Having a contrived storyline, pulling out the gay-card and compiling a two-dimensional, 2nd hand character around that? Just to earn points? Not very cool.

We need to take a lesson from the Japanese here. No, I'm not talking about having your school uniform explode. I mean letting your characters be heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual, because that's what people are.

You shouldn't have to stop the press.

Tee Hee. Inter-spacial.

"I never met a cat I didn't like, it's true.
To say I never met a cat that didn't like me, is just arrogant." - Rihia2k