Bugs & Kisses...

Standing outside taking in the still night air, overlooking silent, slumbering Adelaide a minute ago, I turned to come inside and paused to watch some interaction between a black millipede and grey slater.
Each seperately questing across the bricks, the slater stopped and the millipede doubled back to return after they'd passed one another.
The millipede clambered over the slater's dome and coiled around so they could spend some moments inter-wobbling their antennae face to face, sit still for a bit, then bugger off on their seperate lives again.

Being human I get to watch this two ways;

- one, where the two discuss both the weather and their work days of millipeding and slatering, ask how the others wife and kids're doing, and perform a wee musical duet.

-two, where the relatively similar bugs (who don't have cute first names), neither blatantly predator or prey to the other, atempt bouncin' some antennae energy/information off the other and having ascertained they cannot a) eat, b) mate with the other, unromantically piddle off into the wee hours.

I like bugs.
When I leave South Australia in the near future, apart from the random memories - Simpsons marathon in a hotel in Robe as rain persists down for three days - Being warned by a local against eating the 'sixteen' day old crayfish sandwiches proudly advertised at the Keith petrol station - Being ferally growled at by a one-eyed chinese man because his wife mistakenly offered me his beer while passing the bar in a Naracoorte pub - or gettin' an 'I'M A BASTARD', Bastardfest wristband at The Squatters Arms Adelaide -
I'll remember SA as that place where you inevitably have three black millipedes curled up on any given wall like lonely bold pubic hairs.
Also the huntsman spider that I didn't have the heart to put outside for three days, cos it looked so cosy on the wall by the head of the bed. (no really, looked quite comfy there)

SA has had a great deal of non-bug, animal related experiences for myself but that belongs in another post.

I don't know why but the millipede and slater was a reminder of bein' parked at the mall earlier, calling to some guy, "Hey, buddy. You left your lights on", just before he was out of earshot.
Sauntering past, back to his car, I add, "I dunno if yer parked there for fer ten minutes or ten hours, but they're on (shrug)".
He replied something along the lines of, "Thanks, I'm waiting for my sister, so don't know how long she'll be".
...Why? I mean, we coulda just completed that whole scenario with a series of grunts and gestures.
Five seconds later, neither of us cares anymore. Why'd I get reminded of that interaction by a pair 'f insects?
Maybe because of the brief, trivial nature.
Not because either of us contemplated mating with, or eating each other in a mall carpark... then again... it's Adelaide.

-assorted, unrelated bug pictures taken recently-

"I prefer an intelligent moron to a moronic intellectual" - Rihia2k

The What Unicorn...?

Oh. White. Right.

The Dream like adventure Game in the Kingdom of the White Unicorn.


C'mon... at least it's not called The Pink Unicorn.



These princesses have gone bananas, this may just be the best board game eva! 

  It looked as though board-games had gone as far as they possibly could, nothing short of incorporating shoulder pads or piano key neckties into the gameplay could possibly improve on their appeal.
Then it swoops in, the phase of board games with plastic fantastic kinetic features.

Battery operated games such as Operation, Bed Bugs, & Electronic Battleship went down smoothly with consumers, but electronics weren't always essential.
Incredibly popular were Mouse Trap (still popular I recently discovered), Hungry Hungry Hippos, I Vant To Bite Your Finger (a personal favourite), Tipsy Tower and so on...
...hmm, wonder if that patient guy from Operation will appear in The Expendables sequel?

The White Unicorn got me thinking when did I last encounter Unicorns in my pop culture diet? and upon reflection the results were grim...


Sucks to be Unicorn right now.

  I read issue no.9 of Savage Tales (1985) featuring The Warlord, in which he encounters a Unicorn, witnesses it's death, slays a load of brigands & has a brief mental breakdown as a result...

Alakazam Alakaprunes...

...and acquired Kelek, an old Advanced Dungeons and Dragons character who apart from appearing dangerously senile, seeks to harvest Unicorn horns so as to master the art of levitation.
Unicorn horns = levitation?... go figure.

So in the name of innocence, Princesses, Unicorns and pastel colours, I'll attempt to strike the match of glory for the epic board-game which is The White Unicorn.

Firstly, your board looks a lil' something like this -

All a board.

Object of the game?
Hailing as a representative from one of the four elements, your goal is to free The White Unicorn from the Wicked/Evil Wizard. Employing the use of four treasures, you must also avoid little old men brandishing shillelaghs, and although this is a brave liberation effort for a rare magical beast, be competetive about it.

Paper or plastic?

Aah, D10 in 3D.
The instruction sheet initially came across as a little vague, ie. Place the Toll Troll in his respective place. Put the stuff where it goes basically, and the odd unexplained rule, which really isn't too difficult to figure out, though possibly challenging if you're a party kid all hyped up on ice-cream, new kittens and toy tiaras.


No princess is complete without armoured abs.




  At the risk of sounding mindlessly pedantic, I'll add that the instruction sheet refers to each Princess' ride as a Unicorn although it's clearly a Pegasus. I apologize in advance for making you lose sleep there...

The four treasures required to beat the game are a coin, gem, crystal fireball, and a pair of wings.
Depending on which start point you select, you begin play with a treasure belonging to that element.

It's required that you spin a dial or drop a coin/fireball when you have the opportunity, in order to try n' purloin a treasure. (there's a 50/50 chance of success)
However, if you get lucky (and nasty), the only true requirement is the fireball.

Left: Box shot. Gnome frowning at a die.
Right: That guy!

While I'm nitpicking, here's a comparison from the box and the contents.

This features the 'magical place' where Princesses go spinning for gems.

The box: shows a gnomey okay seeming guy, who knows? maybe you'll get a gem outta' him on a good day.

The contents: contain a seedy ne'er-do-well with unkempt sideburns and a happy stick.

Playing card to get.

Aagh! There he is again! As the new face of the Troll-card business.

Unsuprisingly, having to draw a Troll-card is a negative thing. "You lose a treasure" type material.

Whereas drawing a Unicorn-card is good... for you.

Hmm, I don't know if it's promoting good princess-like behaviour, the benefits gained from a Unicorn-card are generally detrimental to another player, providing ill-gotten gains and shortcuts.

No "spend time with the less fortunate" Princess Diana card.

No "defend the weak, do a flip" Xena card.

Uh uh, it's a little more like "Go to your sister's bedroom and eat all of her chocolate" cards.

How do we get a Unicorn-card?

Land on a Unicorn space. Which is ridiculously easy considering it's a D10 being rolled, and theres a lot of paths to choose from.

How do we get a Troll-card...?



Trol-ol-oll. Left to right: Wandering Troll, Wandering Troll, Toll Troll.



... have a Shillelagh Wielding Wandering Sideburn Troll land on a player's space.

Which doesn't happen too often at all. Wandering Trolls may be moved by any player that rolls a 0.

The player may then move one Troll 10 spaces, or both Trolls 5 spaces each.

Theres also the optional rule that a player may not pass a space on which a Wandering Troll is resting, a good rule to incorporate, otherwise the Wandering Trolls do little to nothing in any given game.

They may also move only on the paths matching their colour.

The Toll Troll doesn't move at all (making the playing piece rather unecessary), it's base may be rotated left or right allowing access to the Wizard's island.

At the generous price of one coin. (Only one player ever need pay this toll, though other players may reset the Toll Troll if desired for an additional coin)

Island, you ask?

Island is the new purple.

Yeah, that place! Wicked/Evil Wizard's juicy snazzy island lair, in purple to boot.

Having paid the Toll Troll's coin fee, wings are the next necessary treasure to possess in order to pass the broken bridge. Then it's gem time...

A gem? Truly, outrageous.

Labelled as The Greedy Dragon. It's hard not to like this guy. I mean, it only wants a gem. Heck, it doesn't even have shoes, it can't be that greedy.

It does require each player to pay however, but once done, it's so kind it'll let you back n' forth as much as y' like. I've met greedier.

Wait! Isn't that...? O dear, the climax finale to the grand adventure of The White Unicorn, and this is the Evil Wizard? I don't know about you but I'm having trouble differentiating between the Gem Keeper, Wandering Troll and Evil/Wicked Wizard here. How many jobs does this guy hold down?

Well, at least he ditched the stick in favour of a menacing shadow.

At this stage if you've not acquired a coin, wings, or a gem, and are situated somewhere on the far end of the playing board, there's hope yet.

A certain Unicorn-card (easy to get) allows you to switch places with another player, and the fireball is all you need to bring it to the man. Princess-style.

Whoomf! "Oof!" Krrsshh! "Whinny!"

Aah, the undeniable sounds of success. Ouch, that has to hurt, finding out you're actually a door. Sorry, Sideburn, no room for mercy in the name of Unicorn Freedomery-ness.

Go gentle regent thou art free.

Though you really only move about as much as that Toll Troll joker.

I guess your destiny of freedom could involve being picked up and covered in custard pie by young birthday princesses admiring your golden hoove work.

"Freeee, whinny! Free."

"Look up, the world is miniscule. Look down, it goes on forever" - Rihia2k