Nobodys gettin' conted on this blog today, thanks.
Warmonster, hnnh! Good God, y'all! What is it good for?
About $2.75 actually. Say it again yeah.
Last post: I'm tryin' to be a good boy & not splash all my $2.75s in one place. Didn't stick to that.
I'm-a busy-like, some permanents never change. Change for example.
New car, new job, new abode, new paperwork, new boxes to pack, new drug test - (I'm sure I've pissed in more jars than I have my own toilet for all the menial, temping occupations I've had).
So at least you have the peace of mind I'm not typing up blog posts tripping balls in my spare twenty minnits.
Yeah, lotta' new occurrences.
Same ol' plastic.
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| ... brutha from anutha undead mutha ... |
I knew I'd go back for Verde-skull, have I even slept since last time? But reducing myself to the purchasing of Joe-Human took grit, man. I'm in no way a completist with toys, but four is a nice, balanced number.
I'm gonna add for the record I actually like this packaging method. Yes, it's cheaper than a 90s pick-up line but it's tidy and practical, m'kay?
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| ... Versus er, nothing in particular ... |
Where it says, "specifications colours and contents may vary from illustrations"? Yeah, you can omit 'may' from that sentence. Your packaged contents come with a certified guarantee that they will vary from this image more than an orangutang's snot bubble varies from a Lamborghini.
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| ... always two, there are ... |
Weapons are x2, randomized in pack with the figs. The scythes new, but I believe I'm missing a scimitar.
No, rihia2k!, do not go back to the dollar store for a cheap toxic plastic scimitar for crying out loud.
On to Joe the Human.
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| ... Turok or not to rock? That is the question... |
I had to hunt through a couple of the Joe Human guys 'til I found one with his shoulder-pad and blowhorn attached. Not that others had theirs lying at the bottom of the packet, they just didn't have 'em period.
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| ... "breezy in here" ... |
Why do I really despise this guy so much? Because his skirt-belt doesn't hide his uni-buttock?
Naw, it could be that too many human action-figures sold in cheapo-crap-stores have disproportionate pin-heads and massively whack paint apps to the eyes. Instead of coming across as battle hardened elite veterans, well, they just look like panicking shell-shock victims at best. Be it bug-eyed or beady-eyed, but always confused.
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| -"Joe! What is best in life?!" -"Ur, spatula dirigible??" |
There's something about fraggin' it out in epic battle against barbaric orcs, feral preda-thingies and the brutal undead which makes a confused expression and double-vision somehow out of place.
And while we hope he's wearing football black make-up, there is a chance his pupils are just leaking fluid from a grievous stab wound.
Yum.
Ever onward and upward, because I don't think it gets lower than Joe the Human.
Introducing: Verde-Skull Uniceros.
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| "We're coming up from the deep..." |
Straight outta' Davy Bones' locker.
Loveable lack of chest cavity contents on this Verde fellow here.
Verde's cape is made purely of near-gelatinous plastic, well, okay it's soft. Good for getting scythe bearing, oddly angled arms and bulbous shoulder pads around.
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| ... Wanted: half-way decent tailor for the dead ... |
Yep, you've done it again (insert companies name here). Showing a little more crack-uh-jack than customers are allowed to display even in Walmart.
Eventually these guys're getting a repaint. Which is saying somethin' about their impression on me considering I haven't painted a miniature in... oh, sixteen years. Done plenty of fine repairs, touch-ups and customs since, but working from scratch - been a while. I guess there's just some groovy little sculpts with potential under all that splatter-ass work.
He's geared up with some land-ravaging boots which, while slackly painted, will look purty as a pony with a little touch up. You might wanna note his left foot is... normal, when you compare it to his velociraptor-toed right. I took it as a screw up initially, but closer inspection tells me otherwise.
Laws of symmetry? Warmonsters don't obey, buster.
If the crew that pumped out these figures wants to get in trouble for imitating Skeletor, they're just gonna' have to get in line. It's a long line at that. Honestly though, the ripping off and bootlegging of popular fantasy/toy material has been going forever, so in the East I don't think anyone's keeping tabs. And if this is stealing from existing Chap Mei molds - I wouldn' know.
When this company (whatever they may be called) sat around their marble table with highly-paid super-talented artists and designed this guy, I'm sure he wasn't intended to be the Warmonster equivalent of Florence Nightingale or Leon Trotsky.
But guess what? This is my toybox, champ.
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| ... horn to be wild ... |
And that's what I've always loved about knock-off low key lines.
Masters of the Universe technically remains my fave toyline, but the Galaxy Warriors and that whole family of MOTU cash-ins are up there on a pedestal all their own.
No proposed back story, chief. Meaning all hero/villain alignments, objectives, abilities (and basically the whole fantasy universe in which the characters belong) leaves the ball in the kid's court.
When all's said and done Dreadstar had Syzygy, Small Soldiers had the Gorgonites.
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| ... gettin' Syzygy with it ... |
What 'm I saying? That the Undead are people too? Equal rights for Goblins? More ugly good guys in fiction?
I'm sayin' if rihia2k wants Verde-skull Uniceros to be a mighty maggot-ridden protagonist standing gallant with his too-short loin rag blowing in the wind, revealing his decomposed junk, as he faces off against various injust dickheads - so be it!
(oh, and he gets Joe the Human as a bumbling side-kick, inept at making sandwiches)
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"Anyone in a hurry to say 'with age comes wisdom' is probably an old fool" - rihia2k
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Edit: turns out my version's packaging (with a logo resembling a '7') apparently belongs to China Toy Factory based in ChengHai. They released another Warmonsters line under the grand title: 'Barbaric World Crazy of Wars'.
These very same character designs were also released by Ntoys / New Element toys based in Guangdong, China. Totes different colour schemes, packaged with playsets/beast mounts and boxed with names like 'Super Dragons' and 'Devildom Contend'.
Yet another company Maggie Toys Global have Warmonsters under the guise of 'Pirates'. Maggie Toys are responsible for all those horrendous faux-Batman figures, Spidey on a quad bike, and the notoriously vexing Cowboy Playset.
And I'm sure it don't end there...
