2016. Year of the Monkey.
(ooh, that's me! ... sitting up straightest!)
Twenty-fifteen's merger into twenty-sixteen, kinda' burned the heck-dang outta' me.
The Xmas. The NY. Two 'holidayesque' weekends which in truth involved way too many social obligations, honestly too many kids n' babies all up in my stuff, and a traumatizing over-saturation of hamchocolatehams and materialist suffocation.
Two successive weekends. In short -
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| full credit: Si Spencer & Dean Ormston (2000AD's Harke and Burr) |
I mean I'm no grinch.
Sure, the only tinsel I own is black. But I like black, that tinsel's all kinds of Audrey Hepburn sexy.
I couldn't grinch if I tried. Not when I'm nose-buried-deep in a Lobster Random comic, only to have my eyes drawn up and away to...
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| His name's Kaha. Yes, he has a cast on. |
... to ... to ... oh, fer %#*$'s sake, J-Rex. You're really gonna' have us fostering a doe-eyed puppy with a broken leg when I'm trying to callous myself on 2000AD comics? Then you're gonna' drive over to your parent's so it's now my responsibility for us to roll around in the grass and eat sheep shit all day?
I love you too.
(er, only one of us is eating those sheepy nuggets then kissing you, I promise)
Still, it beats kid snots on the couch and child spew on the living room carpet. Yay, Christmas visitors.
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Year of the monkey.
Which reminds me. Kelloggs Coco Pops gave 'Coco the Monkey' an overhaul. Again. Last year.
I'd only gotten used to this rendition of our anthropomorphic sugar peddling simian:
Yeah, he looks utterly douchey above. But still, hip enough, like a monkey. And most importantly - chilled out.
Suddenly -
Uncanny blue-eyed-primate valley! There's a few simple rules for toony ape-types, I reckon. One of which is don't make them Mickey Mouse. Also maintaning the line between 'enthusiastic' and 'haunted-crack-junky-eyes' is important too.
Probably a good idea not to refer to yourself in the third-person in that speech bubble, Coco. When you gotta' tell yourself out-loud to KEEP IT COOL, it's possibly too late.
"Hang out with your mates in this awesome mask!"
What's more, the cognitive superions at Kelloggs thought it would be great to share the fun by creating a mask for the kids. Kids they clearly hate.
This mask measures out to about the size of a new-born baby's face.
The eye-holes are so close together they'd make a cyclops cross-eyed.
And, in a move of engineering genius, it isn't hard to see the drawstring holes will tear away quicker than a cherub from a strippergram.
But hey, what more would you expect from a company based half on manufacturing cereal and half on mutilating young people's genitalia to prevent masturbation?
No, really. Get to know your crunchy bowl's of history, chum: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Harvey_Kellogg#.22Warfare_with_passion.22
Corn Flakes, is it ironic that teenagers practically live on them? Haha, screw you, and the weevil you rode in on, John Kellogg.
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Happy New Year!
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| ... the year of ... |
...also, I'm not in New Plymouth, but it says "hi" anyway.
