In the land o' the blind, the red-eyed man is king...

Ah, 1989, Mirage Studios, Playmates Toys.
Fine words to see printed between the shoulder blades of any action figure. In particular - The Rat King.

I was still in primary school when the TMNT craze hit all kid's parents where it counts. Apart from the turtles themselves, I watched the characters on the show before encountering their poseable plastic parallels in stores. Like lots o' children I'd flex the most respex at Casey Jones, and when role playing as our heroes in the schoolyard, if I couldn't be the cool talking vigilante I'd get my way as the next best thing. Rat. King.

Check it. He ain't half dull. Good posture, toned build, appears astute, swish hair, clean teeth. A king (albeit a king o' rats), and yeah he was a 'baddie' but not so absolute a villain as Krang or Shredder, huh? He was even sensitive about April O'Neil. hmm sensitive...? So Go-Figure...

Oh sweet insane asylum! You've really let yourself go, Mr. King. Um... I don't wanna pretend to be him anymore. Seems he's even gone as far as to contract an otitis-interna/ inner ear head tilt (quite common in rats). Maybe I should've equipped him with an otoscope and iodine instead of Casey's baseball bats? One shouldn't judge others on their appearance of course... but a nine year old can be forgiven, non? Yes, sir. I've always ackowledged how spoilt we are in the western world, grateful, love the toy, but...

My go-!, um... awkward. Didn't know one o' my favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle dudes was undergoing chemotherapy. That sucks! But when living in a sewer reputed to have a high count of mutagen and toxic waste one has to expect misfortune (and slim chances with April who's on a reporters salary).
Say, do you think we should bother to tell him he has a huge fuck off spider on his head?

Really though, most late '80s TMNT figures were well crafted, dynamic sculpts. With enough poseability to keep the mitts entertained, but not so many joints that they became floppy ragdoll material with time. Churr-yup, they and their paintjobs last well with minimal care. So get well soon, have a cider and some light reading, Rat-King, ya've earned it. 

"Life's like pizza, best bits the start n' middle, then ya just end up with crust" - Rihia2k

(yeesh, so deep dish, huh?)