In the land o' the blind, the red-eyed man is king...

Ah, 1989, Mirage Studios, Playmates Toys.
Fine words to see printed between the shoulder blades of any action figure. In particular - The Rat King.

I was still in primary school when the TMNT craze hit all kid's parents where it counts. Apart from the turtles themselves, I watched the characters on the show before encountering their poseable plastic parallels in stores. Like lots o' children I'd flex the most respex at Casey Jones, and when role playing as our heroes in the schoolyard, if I couldn't be the cool talking vigilante I'd get my way as the next best thing. Rat. King.

Check it. He ain't half dull. Good posture, toned build, appears astute, swish hair, clean teeth. A king (albeit a king o' rats), and yeah he was a 'baddie' but not so absolute a villain as Krang or Shredder, huh? He was even sensitive about April O'Neil. hmm sensitive...? So Go-Figure...

Oh sweet insane asylum! You've really let yourself go, Mr. King. Um... I don't wanna pretend to be him anymore. Seems he's even gone as far as to contract an otitis-interna/ inner ear head tilt (quite common in rats). Maybe I should've equipped him with an otoscope and iodine instead of Casey's baseball bats? One shouldn't judge others on their appearance of course... but a nine year old can be forgiven, non? Yes, sir. I've always ackowledged how spoilt we are in the western world, grateful, love the toy, but...

My go-!, um... awkward. Didn't know one o' my favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle dudes was undergoing chemotherapy. That sucks! But when living in a sewer reputed to have a high count of mutagen and toxic waste one has to expect misfortune (and slim chances with April who's on a reporters salary).
Say, do you think we should bother to tell him he has a huge fuck off spider on his head?

Really though, most late '80s TMNT figures were well crafted, dynamic sculpts. With enough poseability to keep the mitts entertained, but not so many joints that they became floppy ragdoll material with time. Churr-yup, they and their paintjobs last well with minimal care. So get well soon, have a cider and some light reading, Rat-King, ya've earned it. 

"Life's like pizza, best bits the start n' middle, then ya just end up with crust" - Rihia2k

(yeesh, so deep dish, huh?)

We waste no part of the Eskimo ...

What some folk won't do to get in the news.

Earlier this year, in Good ol' New Zealand, a lady went to the media to "complain" that she'd purchased a tin of Budget brand pears only to find shock horror, that one of these hard earned fruit slices was engraved with a 'demonic' picture perfect smiley-face.

Oh,  the humanity! Oh the mental anguish! Oh the ... hmm, free pears I'm sensing ...

So sure enough this dame wound up with pears out her ears as compensation, a spot on the national news, and a piece of fruit that smiles. But no satisfaction of ever catching the tinning terrorist, the grocery guerilla that was responsible for the deed.

I don't scour the fruit-graffitti section of the newspaper frequently enough to have actually read about it at the time, oh no the article was brought to my attention later ...

Flashing back: Shoppin' done, I'm leaving the supermarket with my girlfriend, we've both had our days fill o' work & maturity, and need instant gratification. So she's driving the car getting hand fed lollies (sweets, candy or what you will). But shock horror -

Now New Zealand, with it's tiny island complex, has something of an identity crisis, this country needs to lay claim to anything it can. Fush & chups (thats ours), beer & barbecues (only us), utes & gumboots (back off there) and our confectionary views are no different. Most folks parents and grandparents will remember the lollies that define us as a nation:-

*milk bottles

*wine gums

*jet planes

* ahem... eskimo lollies
Yup, I'm sure the diabetics of earth are perfectly happy with their twinkies and tea cakes, but these are our exclusively kiwi treats (we tell ourselves ... on television).

Do NOT attempt to feed one of these to your girlfriend while she is driving. She WILL laugh.

You WILL crash, it is NOT a smiley face.

What part of the eskimo is this?



So it sure didn't turn out looking like these... medieval sarcophagi, powdery marshmallow thangs. And okay, I'm willing to accept that it may have been a robo-sculpting glitch rather than a spotty, underpaid 17yr old employee messing with the mould. But seriously, Pascall's is one o' NZ's most successful confectionary companies, big time. You think they'd pay a bouncer to stand at the production line, ensuring that when my eyesight fails me I don't end up putting one of these on my daughters birthday cake.

Furthermore, Pascall's current prime time t.v. advertising slogan is "Lollies for grown-ups". Indeed 'cos if I was eight I woulda' just et the darn thing and carried on.

Finally, I'll apologise for referring to that lolly earlier as a midget eskimo. But the correct term: inuit small person lolly, doesn't seem to market so well. Also if you act too p.c. around these parts people get suspicious, and you wake up assaulted by homophobes.

"Dreams are free, until you decide to follow them" - Rihia2k

Find evil-pear at: http://www.stuff.co.nz/oddstuff/3674491/Freakish-find-in-can-shocks-Southland-woman

To Boldly Go Figure ...

Well, hey there.

Welcome to Go-Figure blog (you poor thing). Guess the "one blog fits all" description in the title could be a leetle bit of a stretch.
True, this blog probably won't fit you if you were looking into high-altitude knitting, street level skydiving, or illegal cock fighting. (in which case I apologise for your being confronted by plastic cave people instead)
Alt+left while you still can.

However if you occasionally peruse the net (sans direction), and like reading the odd bit about ol' comics, video games and action figures:
"Welcome welcome".
We also deal in art & jus' thinking (with no risk of doing anything productive).

Considering this is the first post here I don't intend to ruin it with any theme other than an intro.

So here's Aubrey Beardsley's  The Toilette of Salome, super-imposed over a pumpkin.

Bueno bueno,
Rihia2k ~~

"Those who cannot suffer a fool, are the greatest fools of all"- Rihia2k

(yeah, I made that up in the 4 minutes it took to make this pointless image)

KA KITE ANO.