Bishop to King Alien...

... ah, good, toys.
One of my favourite things in life, along with y'know, breathing... a functioning central nervous system, dat stuff.
Let us focus on the luxuries though.

Actually gots a big bunch of Kenner's '92 Aliens stuff back home, never opened them for some reason or another. So it's a first for me. In most ways, you open one early nineties Kenner fig, you open them all. Mind blowing stuff it ain't.

Alright, anyone that paid attention to the movie Aliens probably noticed Lance Henriksen didn't sport super-imposed sunglasses or a cybernetic scalp. Perhaps Kenner sent Mr. Henriksen a letter of apology stating they just didn't believe his face could support an action-figure on it's own.

That's just this line for you, they played around with the Aliens characters and universe - no holds barred. It's an absolute crack up.

Okay, Bish-man wasn't really designed for carting around heavy ordnance either, but let's not have the facts stand in the way of pure cool. Not hard to see at this point that Aliens Marine figures weren't built for busting into kung fu poses and the like, they're pretty much set to stand around in pre-posed form with maybe a single 'action feature' purpose.
We get a bit more of a kicker for this synthetic human though...

Ah, joyousness. I love figures with snap-off-injury/blast apart designs.

"I get knocked down but I get up again"

Bonus - gatling gun arm replacement, can't scoff at that.
So yeh, he does what a figure needs to do. Nuthin'more. Just watch Bishies grip on that brittle plastic gat-gun handle. My unopened one is broke in packet.

Y'know, in an ideal world every figure's playability would be enhanced by incorporating spilt milk.

Apone In The Dark...

While I'm coating action-figures in breakfast foods its tempting to pour cereal over my next figure and leave it at that, but I ain't wasting Coco-pops. It's the only damn cereal I have!
I'm a grown-up.

Oh, brother - this one gez me every time. They mention - "right arm now bio-mechanical".

Weeell, considering Apones dead he might kinda' need a bio-mechanical everything.

Ut oh, there's more...

Teehee. Lovin' the shirt. No Bugs, huh? Yep, Sgt. Apone's first encounter with the 'Bugs' was also his last encounter with 'em. He wasn't too well informed on the Xenomorph front either, so there's a heckuva coincidence. Maybe that shirt was just to tell the ladies he's free of pubic lice and doesn't have the flu... or he ran off to have it printed seconds prior to getting fragged. Your call.

Sarge's action-feature pales in comparison to Bishop's pretty seriously. He has a meek swivel spring-waist, and the idea is that this be utilized to throw his wibbly-wubber grenades around. Actually they're 'Mega Grenades', but 'wibbly-wubber' describes they're soft composition infinitely better. I can't pretend to know what Kenner was doing with the soft rubber grenade thing. After all Corporal Hicks has a hard plastic missile launcher, so I'm sure it wasn't safety concerns.

No. It wasn't safety concerns. Good luck injuring anything with this one. Apone doesn't just throw like a girl, he throws like a girl T-rex. The grenades, if they don't casually fall over the back of Apone's arm, don't leave his hand at all.
Wow. THE two worst scenarios in any grenade throwing situation.
BANG. "Medic, we're gonna' need a whole lot more bio-mechanical arms over here!!"

Mmm, difficult to select a fave. Apone's just such a great character even if his figure features don't hold up next to synthy-poo. I think it's nice the designers didn't let a little death or movie accuracy stand in the way of embellishing the legend but good. Portraying the Marines as the authority on Xenomorph smack-down.

Hail to the King Alien...

Awright, one more, I'll be quick aboot it.

Aha, King Alien. See? There we are with some tale telling liberties. The Xenomorphs survive on a hive structured scheme, Queens, drones, workers whatever... Kings - not so much. Apparently a King Alien does exist in early Aliens role-playing games though, but let's not completely geek out here.

Maybe it just assimilated Elvis Presley's DNA.

It's one rather straight forward figure - cuts a pretty silhouette, and there is a variant version with bright green paint applications (I prefer w/out). One thing noticeably absent is the presence of a nasty-ass spiky tail.

Yay! Head-grabby-action feature thing, neat. The lack of tail does serve a purpose, basically there's a squishy rubber thorax in place, so Kingy can have acid squirty cuddles with his selected prey. Functions like a very basic squirt gun, so you can fill it with water, or cola, or urine, or an even mixture of the three. Boy, am I fulla' quality advice today.

It sorta' boggles the brain to reflect on HR Giger's initial material, and then how that dribbles thru the cracks to allow Kenner to poop out this material for the kids. Some folks was downright disgusted by the lack of movie accuracy associated with this line, but hey, it was play time. Children probably shouldn't be scoping out Aliens flicks in the first place.
Maybe we should just be grateful Kenner didn't go wild with fleuroescent paint jobs and cannisters of goo everywhere. (actually the goo woulda' worked superbly here).

Hoookay - my rambles reminded me I should check out 'Prometheus' one o' these days.
And while its completely unrelated to anything on this blog today, YOU should check out a film called 'Beasts of the Southern Wild', the only good piece of advice I'm likely to share this year. Stunning film.

Righto, as Private Hudson says, "Game over, man. Game over!"

"Running out of luck is okay sometimes. Helps build initiative." - Rihia2k.

AWA With The Faeries...

Eyuggh, what's this all over my hands? Oh... it's just time. Well if I've gotten that on my hands, I guess updating the blog can be justified.

I promised myself this post would involve at least one action-figure. As per usual, selected random as.

It's hard not to deviate - with a spontaneous recent round trip to New Zealand's North and South Islands, back to Queensland, and with ventures into marshland and native parks, it's been a mildly hectic month. Mildly hectic? Whatever.
I'm back in Eversummerland however, so I'll do what I intended in putting up a post on the plastic frontier.

I dig around op-shops from time to time, but I can't help thinking the face of thrift-shop hunting has changed in the last few years. Guess this depends on what you're panning for, but when I see trousers that retail new for $29 going for $60 in the charity store, well I get a little grizzly.

So I was stoked when I saw a pair of little black legs that hail from a better era in toy making poking through the endless rainbow mountain of contaminated toddler toys and McDonalds figures (damn you Kung Fu Panda! yer everywhere).


I'll buy that for halfa dollar

I didn't know who it was until fully exhumed, only had legs to go by... so was pretty happy on revealing the regal head of one half of The Road Warriors. Courtesy of Remco, 1985.
I never intend to cover a whole figure line on here... ever, so if you need more info on AWA Wrestlers click the greatest gosh darn link you're likely to find today -

http://www.action-figures.ca/

Done? Good, I'm proud. To be honest I'm not much for wrestling since, ooh 1992 or so. WWF to be precise. I don't think AWA was even screened in New Zealand, but when WWF hit it was met with fevered enthusiasm by every man-child around. Suddenly Hulk Hogan was every boy's secret father, the Ultimate Warrior was, well THE Ultimate Warrior, school corridors were ringing to the tune of bullies 'clotheslining' dweebs, older brothers were now suplex and DDT machines, and putting a friend into Jake the Snake's Sleeper Hold was simply the new "hello".

WWF trading cards were quickly banned from my school, and children would enter into lengthy negotiations with parents mid-week to ensure they could stay up past 9pm on Saturday to watch the televised destruction.

Originally Hawk here would have come with, like a cloth tunic, booties and a belt (or some such) AWA Wrestlers generally did, but I'm content with my 'nude' version. Seeing as i don't collec' wrestler toys, I'll soon get Hawk sporting a weapon, and once I tack a generic helmet on him he'll make good army fodder for going up against Remco's Conan.
(Remco's fantasy lines and wrestler lines generally share the same body type)

Actually Road Warrior's Hawk here provided more food for thought than I'd anticipated. Specifically, he was a real person. I  stopped to consider it, and basically very few of my action figures are. Steve Irwin, MC Hammer... think that's it.
Hawk, I discovered after a little research, like too many wrestlers, passed over at a young age (46 years). Heart failure in 2003 if memory serves correctly. So y'know, I gotta' respect the guy for jumping around like a psychopathic rockstar maniac. I get a cool figure for his efforts.

Let's face it, pop wrestlers get bagged a little by the bulk of society. They don't always get sufficient credit as athletes or actors, although they maintain a rather precarious balance between the two. Part stunt person, part long-term-health-sacrificing gladiator. Hey, if you look up a little info on our recently departed Macho Man then, uh, musician can be added to the mix of wrestler's talents. C'mon, who else is gonna' release a rap song to honour the death of Mr. Perfect?

So yah, thanks Michael 'Hawk' Hegstrand man, you and Animal did your part to slake the blood-thirst of the masses, meaning we can avoid cruelty to lions and save matchsticks otherwise wasted on 'illuminating' christians.

"They say just be yourself, so, what if you're a copy-cat by nature?" - Rihia2k.

There's No Such Thing As Pee-Free Parking...

...this is one of those things I inevitably learn the hard way.

I guess there's a number of places you shouldn't park in Australia. Under an African Sausage Tree would be one.

 (them fallin' gourds is heavy, and I've seen a caved in windscreen that I suspect was caused by this... nasty)

Under a possum would be another.

Sigh. So it was trade in time for Al/Big Gay Al, the old faithful van. Though trusty(ish) and loyal(ish) throughout it's service, it was twenty years old. It served as transient home/bed briefly, holiday camper, and as work vehicle and city runner.

However, practical is as practical does, fuel economy this, air-con that, blah blah blah.
Plus that ambiguous interstate registration thing was getting annoying. Honestly - South Australia and vehicle ownership
- it's like Mad Max 2 down there.

So, out with van - shuffle paper, etc. - in with car. Like the van, it's manual for your safety, so I play with less action-figures at the traffic lights... mos'ly.

Ahem - yeah, but what I didn't take into consideration was parking.

Don't park on-street because I don't haff to, plus I like having wing mirrors.

Now you can't fight nature, ya gots ta harmonize, see? But if harmonizing means scrubbing oily-thick-brown-tar-piss off the rear window and boot EVERY single day for the rest of your life then something is wrong.

I really do love possums, but this diagram needs editing...

Eh, what ya gonna'do? Didn't matter so much with the van, that thing was a huckery old queen anyway (I'm pretty sure it used to sneak off and hang around on ghost ships dressed up like the captain's wife), but the car is gonna' stand out in a bad way if it's perpetually dumped and slashed on.

So, it gets a car cover. Poor thing, now it looks like it's mother dresses it. Oh well, maybe I'll get myself a pocket protector and start wearing a shower cap outdoors so it doesn't feel alone.

Possum wins.

Melbourne street tolls - payable by mandarin and/or pizza

"Those who doubt the power of fiction need only be reminded of money. Most powerful fictional character ever created" - Rihia2k

Beauty is in the Axe of the Beholder...

...look, it's not every day I fall in love, okay?

Every second day possibly, but aspects of fantasy card games and Skull Force action figures aside, if you're net-able and haven't hit yer head on the derailing and intoxicating awesomeness which comes from the two and only Nicolle bros., you are missing out.

Picking up The Goon from my not so local, but ultimately loyal, comic shop I also got ta fill my hand with some sweet-ass full colour Dark Horse published 'AC' goodness.

Don't let me stop you, link yerself to where you didn't even know you'd rather be...

(unless of course you're already familiar with axe cop, and for some reason aren't interested in reading it right now, in which case you're a bad guy and he will cut your head off!)

http://axecop.com/index.php/achome/index/

"It's amazing how quickly we can find a new problem, when we can't find an easy solution." - Rihia2k

Nukem if you've got 'em...

...and if you ain't got 'em?


So it's 6.01am, alarm blares, clumsy hand reaches to stifle the unwelcome sound of enforced consciousness.
What's the first vision that greets you in your waking life?

Valkyrie pouring your coffee? Quadrupedal fur ball licking your face? Your own hand trying to block out the impending light of dawn?

Or, like me, is there a fifty/fifty chance you're greeted by the proverbial chauvinist cigar-chomper? A steroid-built, bubblegum-chewing shaved-ape? A mega-macho, anti-hero, male-fantasy character produced by a bunch of mouth-breathing key-punchers?

Namely the Duke...

...coming into focus yet...?

...I gave in and got my first Neca figure. I have plenty of Mezco produced action-figures, never opened any of those, but this Neca figure didn't last 5 minutes without my greasy mits tearing into it.

...plenty nice write up...

More where that beautiful idiocy came from.

Tee Hee

I LIKE IT! (my only complaint is that I now spend hours under my work desk retrieving that 16mm cigar)

Now, let's recall where it all began.
If I say, "Remember the original Duke Nukem?", over half of the folks I'm asking instantly refer to Duke Nukem 3D, the first-person-shooter produced around 1996 .

Aww. No love for Apogee's 1991 PC platformer...? Crystal Caves? Secret Agent? Commander Keen?

If only the parents knew where this was going. Duke was always meant to have, what, attitude?
But heck, so does Sonic the Hedgehog.

I just don't see Sonic the Hedgehog smoking, womanizing and playing with poo in the dark future.

Anyways, the proof is in the pudding. And this is some seriously radio-active pudding. Neca have done well to capture the ludicrous beef-cake that is Duke Nukem.
Maybe too well...

Takin' a macro photograph of human skin is always disgusting, but one doesn't expect the same kinda' grotesque to be captured in toy form. The whole 'dark-wash on matte' effect kinda' worked out neat. There's also the nice random aspect to some of the detailing.
Unfortunately one of those 'random-aspects' wound up on Dukes top lip, making it appear as though he's caught a little Pig Cop intestine on his face during the heat of battle...

...or he's just really lazy at wiping his nose. I wouldn't put it past him.

He can do the whole dynamic pose shot. Basically though, your other action-figures will be privileged to recieve so much as a blase kick in the groin.

In aiming his weapon, he gives the impression he's not really paying close attention to where he's firing, which is probably about right with Duke. Considering Lady Luck is, well, a lady and all. Therefore putty in his hands (like all dames, right?).

Let's face it. The Duke figure is probably designed to sit around chomping stogies while the earth gets pulverized around him. Of course he is clutching a handgun in his downtime, but that's just Duke Nukem... he probably shaves with that thing.

16mm of carcinogenic goodness...

Mean.
C'mon, it ain' often you pick up an action-figure what smokes. That it is actually a removable accessory is not only hilarious, but hell for anybody who is tryin' to quit.

So, yeah. 3D Realms took their lil' side-scrollin' Apogee guy, gave him ceegars, sunnies and a penchant for the babes.
Gearbox Games took that guy and brought him into current 1st person gaming.
Finally Neca gives our evolved, some might say devovled, Duke the sculpted posey plastic treatment and voila! I'm a happier camper than before.

There are previous versions of Duke toys, plus some way funky extra-terrestrials in that line. Though I think this version of the Duke captures his 'bastardry' a little better.

Who knows, maybe one day we'll get to see a figure in his original 8-bit awesomeness.

Well, until they turn Commander Keen into a junky vampire...

..sigh, yep.

"If your picture is worth a thousand words, both could use a little improvement." - Rihia2k

Friend Or Foto...

It's Pizzadama...

To The Undeath...

Out With The Old, In With the New King...

"Do you not want to be in my gang?"

War is over if you want me...

Awwdama!...

"...but, but Hick's claw, no fair!..."

ROBOLECH...

My Not So Pretty...

He-Minion

Nep, Think I'll Just Do It Tomorrow...

•  
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•  
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• GAME ON!
•  
•  "It's impossible to do anything tomorrow, you can only do it today" - Rihia2k 

Six In the City...

...or, Lust in Trenslation.

It shouldn't be that hard.

A mere 2504.35km South East across the water and, voila! I'm home.

In fact, it isn't that hard.

-"Horticultural experiment, now what did I say?"

-"Horticultural experiment, sir."

-"Good. Relevant economics?"

-"Why, Relevant economics, I heard."

-"How about, number six..."

-"..."

-"Hello?"

-"..."

-"Hello?!"

Maybe, just maybe, it's the accent.

You see, big words aren't the stumbling block, but I've been sent to the stationery section of a store when I asked if they had any pins. Apparently I'd been misunderstood as asking for a pen, which is pronounced 'pan'. Heaven forbid I ever need to enquire about an actual pan because I have no clue what pronounciation options I'm left with. I think, at any rate frying-pan works out as 'payen'.

Secretly I love it, and I'll compile a kiwi/aussie comparison list shortly.

What I don't love so much is when it gets numerical...

-"...and your phone number, sir?"

-"Sure, my mobile number is oh-four-one-nine-double six-double...um, hello?"

-"..."

What they heard is 'sex' in place o' 'six', it's a retarded in-joke across the Tasman.

Okay, okay I do pronounce 'fish' as 'fush', 'his' as 'hus', 'cat' as 'cet', etc.

Still, I get held up with an ,"I'm sorry?"
- "Six"
- "Was that six?"

... of course it was bloody six...

 In relaying numbers, what are the chances I said,"5, 4, 8, 8, sexual intercourse, sexual intercourse, 9, 3, 2"?

Slim I hope.

In fact, Aussie is such a slang-loving country, if I said ""5, 4, 8, 8, double rumpy-pumpy chiko roll, 9, 8, 8, silk purse from a sow's ear", I'd be perfectly understood.

So... adaptive as I am, I'm learning to adjust my 'sixes' to 'seexes', my 'thimbles' to theembles', and a two syllable word that risks ending itself in 'r' gets the 'ah' treatment. ie. lawy-ah, doct-ah, guvn-ah.

-"And what do you do for a living, Mrs. Gillard?"

-"Oh, I'm the Prime Minist-ah. Want some chiko roll?"

-"Nice."  

-"Hmm, Might pick up some Bundy from the Bottle-O before I hit Dubbo by way a' Coonabarabran to get rooted with my old mate."

 and now...

Rihia2k's thoroughly unhelpful and short list of Ocker to Kiwi translations;

****expletive bastardisation of english language warning****

• Ocker "f*ck off" = Kiwi "oh how interesting"
• Ocker "foowill" = Kiwi "fool"
• Ocker "scheeuwl" = Kiwi "school''
• Ocker "too easy, mate" = Kiwi "Ive looked into it & I'll eventually get around to it"
• Ocker "poet's friday" = Kiwi "dropping absolutely everything pending to leave work two hours early and get recreational / unconcious / intoxicated"
• Ocker "c*nt" = Kiwi "any human being, animal, object or plant"
• Ocker "bevan / bogan" = Kiwi "a casual person / the Prime Minister"
• Ocker "no worries" = Kiwi "may be used in place of any actual proper sentence"
•  Ocker "How ya going?" = Kiwi "I notice you have a crossbow bolt in your eye, and a spanner in your spleen but I like your bicycle"

 Heck, enough o' that, it's just too easy to rip into another language's lingo and pronunciation when it's so close to your own. Y'know what? Sometimes there's nothing quite as novel and foreign as that which is so very very similar, but undeniably different.

Greater political and cultural issues aside, Aussies are for the most part, nice, easy-going, casual people, definitely willing to lend a hand. (I find this is in some part due to my chameleon level adaptability, if I may be so immodest: Jack of All People - Master of No-one.)

The Aussie loves nothing if not a good yarn, to chew the fat, and I believe that it's the embracing of their cultural eccentricities that help these young western worlders from going truly insane.

Sorry, I mean Eensane.

"Being from a bi-cultural background, nothing cuts me up worse than a rascist cannibal" - rihia2k.

heh heh, geddit?