... that's a direct order.
Though 'mate' isn't a ranking title of the armed services... so fairly obvious I'm not militarah personnel.
I am, however, certified 'random as'.
So random brings us...
-Blurry photos o' my best gal, taken thru Steve Austin's left eye?
-17 pages of backwards Nick Cave lyrics to the tune o' Boney M's 'Rasputin'?
-Snapshot of a diapered purple kitten atop a gigantic sweet potato?
Nay!
Here be an anniversary o' sorts.
51 extremely lazy blog posts later (first don't count), yes, fifty-ish posts after my half-assed Playmates
Rat-King spiel, I figure mo' plastic in the Playmates vein needs a-recognizing.
O'Neil For Real...
...oh, so Playmates Toys was annerversificating too in 2008.
Anyone with even a remote inn'erest in TMNT already knew that!
I thought it imperative to acquire one I never owned.
 |
Joy to that first panel - "Splinter, a penniless but powerful ninja master who lives in the muck".
Penniless but powerful - respect. Lives in the muck - optional. |
My first purely unadulterated introduction to TMNT was born through the eyes of an eight year old during classroom show and tell.
All us schmuck-heads displaying fossilized skulls and homemade solar systems - pffh!, Janna stole the show with two simple sentences;
"
Daddy took us to California. I got a Teenage Mutant Ninja Snail... you're not allowed to touch it!".
California was a mythical far off land to me, but shit, I knew what toys were! And a toy we didn't have in New Zealand yet? Oh, I hadda know more!
Near impossible to recall true feelings of unfamiliarity with Ninja Turtles here, 2014, but I know I stayed in class during lunch hour ogling Michaelangelo on that teacher's desk. Much burning desire.
Obviously wasn't long til I'm ridin' the sewer wave of TMNT = collecting the cards, popping 20s in the 'cade game, glued to the toon, eventually queuing up in front for that live-action film.
Needless to say -
action figure acquisition.
But I never picked up April...
 |
"Witness the finesse, and summon up the power of banana clan." |
Sigh, typical boy-child, would've picked her up for completion's sake if I'd run out of options, but the way turtles characters kept spewing out of the toy aisles - 'running out of options' was never an option! Besides, ask any man-kid if he'd prefer 'human journalist' or 'mutant martial artist' in his hands - no brainah.
Give someone a humble award...
... she's not sculpted as a scantily clad unproportionate fantasy.
On Apes alone? - truth, without being
the
iconic cartoon April O'Neil character, figure doesn't hold a lot of weight. Notably the legs.
Even on the the original... it always stood out. Most every character had a
ball-joint socket set-up (reminiscent of Remco Wrestlers). Apes,
however, got basic quality swivel legs and while Playmates threw in a 360
waist twist it more or less
leaves her slightly out of sync with the line.
 |
| Sporting the Anime-eye-makeup look, NewsGirl? |
Gonna' hassle her slightly 'bobble headed'
qualities? Naw, original turtle toys could suffer the same syndrome. She
sports blue jumpsuit stripes instead o' the old-school
orange you could find, and is clearly marked 2008, happily avoiding confusion on the
secondary market.
Took those accessories off the tree like a messy brute, but hey, it's been up to 44 degrees round here.
That's 111.2 fahrenheit in Manhattan, turtle-fan. I ain't expendin' delicacte energy where I don't gots ta'.
Not that Playmates didn't try to up the game a lil' given April's accessories. Camera, flashlight, briefcase... er, shuriken? ... um, gun!?
We talkin' 'bout the same initial
cartoon April here, because, yes, she was sassy but O'Neil poppin' caps in disagreeable mofos or cuttin' a b*tch, just don't feel right? That's what her turtles are for.
(admitting comic April was something more of a hard-ass)
Mmmebbe Playmates shoulda' just double-packed April O'Neil with Vernon Fenwick 'cos how well did
that guy sell alone?
No, there's nothing weird about wearing a yellow jumpsuit to work.
Or hailing a cab with shuriken in your hand.
 |
| ...get ya Scully on... |
Aww, but a freekin'
gun-like?
Anti-firearm publicists sleeping that weekend?
No matter... the packet slates
weapon: gun/camcorder. Make it work, rihia2k.
See there? When a ladies gotta' carry some '88 Panasonic VHS camcorder, all precarious, up on her wrist like that? Something ain't right.
Not on my watch, Mephistocles...
Way I see it the camera is an integral part of April. Gun, not so much. It's all hollow in there anyways, so a little shunt and hey presto! April can finally hold the thing like it's useful...
... and start paying the rent.
What!? Girls gotta' make a living.
And you can't keep milking turtles.
(Actually - can't milk a turtle. Please don't try kids.)
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"You wouldn't condemn a cat for not barking.
And in labeling a fool, you've placed one beyond reproach.
Save that rage for the deliberate and the enlightened!"- rihia2k
